Mitarashi Naruto and Team 13 REWRITE
by microzombie
Summary: What would happen if Konoha's resident demon was adopted by Konoha's resident psychopath? Let's find out shall we! Rating may be upgraded to M at some point.
1. Time to Die Brat!

**HELLO CHIIIILLLDRRREEENNNN! THIS IS THREE DOG, YOUR RULER! **

**HERE ME, AND OBEY!**

**...oh sorry...that's from that other hobby of mine...**

**YES! IT IS HERE! THE NARUTO MITARASHI REWRITE! **

**I ****HOPE YOU FIND IT MORE APPEALING THAN THE BORDERLINE CRACK-FIC FROM BEFORE!**

* * *

Night was falling as a sixteen year old Mitarashi Anko sat in her favorite dango stand absently toying with a kunai. The smell of her favorite food was making her mouth water, but Anko was getting irritated. It had been at least thirty minutes since she'd placed her order. Several other people had placed their orders, eaten, and left already. And they'd arrived after her.

Anko began scratching the table she was sitting at with the kunai. After making a near perfect picture of a diamondback rattlesnake, Anko finally looked at a waitress.

"Hey, I placed my order forty-five minutes ago. Can you tell me what's up?"

The waitress looked confused before taking Anko's face and clothes. A brown skirt was on her waist above a pair of black ninja sandals. A pair of elbow pads covered her arms, and a sleeveless chainmail shirt was on her torso.

Disgust creeped into the waitress' gaze and her smile appeared to be forced.

"I'll go check on that for you. Please wait a moment."

Anko wasn't fooled by the fake pleasantries and decided to add some incentive for the waitress to hurry up.

"You might wanna move faster. The voices in my head are telling me to get stabby." Anko grinned ferally and slammed the kunai into the table for a demonstration. The waitress yelped and practically sprinted into the kitchen.

Less than five minutes later Anko was walking down the street with a stick of dumplings sticking out of her mouth, and a box of six more in her hand. The snake summoner was giggling to herself as she reviewed how quickly the waitress was moving.

'Teach those bastards to look down on me...' Anko's moment of triumph was interrupted when someone ran into her legs. The dango stick flew from her mouth and Anko face planted on the dusty Konoha streets.

"Sorry lady!" A young voice called from a distance away. Anko's face twisted into a snarl as she looked at the back of the young boy in a white shirt sprinting away as fast as he could.

"Little bastard…" Anko got up and dusted herself off. Then her eyes caught something lying in the mud. Her box of dango was turned over and the dumplings were covered in mud. Anko's eyes started twitching and one thought repeatedly went through her head.

'Kill the kid!'

The kunoichi jumped up a roof and began tracking her prey.

* * *

'Why do I feel like my life expectancy is suddenly a lot shorter than it was thirty seconds ago?'

Uzumaki Naruto thought as he caught his breath hiding behind a dumpster. The blonde boy's scrapes on his knees were throbbing, and his ankle was swelling.

'I'll have to find Neko-nee again, so she can get the hospital to clean my cuts...well at least I lost those villagers.'

Naruto turned to walk away and found himself face to stomach with chainmail. He looked up and could have sworn he was staring at the Grim Reaper's face from the feeling of foreboding that came over him. Instead it was the girl he'd run into and knocked over a few minutes before. The girl's eye was twitching.

"Brat…"

Naruto swallowed.

'Here comes the beating...'

"Yes?"

"Do you realize what you've done?"

Naruto shook his head.

'Does she know why these assholes chase me everywhere?'

"You've ruined my dinner. Normally you'd pay for it, I'd slap you upside the head, and we're done, but you destroyed a box of dango. Do you know what that means?"

Naruto shook his head. The teen glared.

"It means you gotta die, Brat." The girl grinned ferally.

* * *

The kid backed up against the dumpster and had a look of utter terror on his face.

'This sure as hell won't earn me points with his parents, but it's funny as hell!' Anko was laughing hysterically inside her head.

'The final touch...'

Anko pulled out a kunai and put it to the boy's cheek. After cutting a thin line across it, she licked the blood off the blade and grinned. The blood had turned her teeth red. The boy looked utterly terrified. Suddenly Anko felt a presence behind her back. Turning around she saw several civilians standing and watching. A couple glared. Anko's temper reared its ugly head.

'Fuck you guys! Judge me will ya?! I'll mess with his kid as long as I want to. It's not like I'm gonna…'

"Are you really going to kill him?" A woman at the front of the gathering crowd took a step forward. Anko scowled on the outside, but inwardly grinned.

'Watch this shit!'

"Duh. The little brat is a waste of space."

Instead of looking horrified as she expected the villagers grinned and cheered.

"Let me get a few hits in before you slit his throat!"

"Hokage-sama finally came to his senses!"

"Maybe the Kami are having mercy on us!"

Anko's eye began twitching as she turned her head to look over her shoulder. The little boy was trembling. This obviously wasn't his first time dealing with the villagers.

'Ok. Fuck this. Pariahs stick together.'

"Hey, look up here good people of Konoha!"

The civilians quieted and looked at Anko expectantly. The kunoichi went through some hand signs and slammed her palm on the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu!"

A twenty foot long viper appeared and raised its head. The villagers began cheering again, expecting the snake to kill the child.

"Ginji. See that kid over there?" Anko jerked her thumb over her shoulder.

The snake nodded and stuck his tongue out.

"See those villagers over there?"

The snake nodded again.

"I'm gonna take a look at the kid. You can have fun with the villagers as long as they don't die."

The cheering turned into stunned/horrified silence. The viper spoke.

"So I can eat, as long as I throw them up later?"

Anko nodded.

"As long as they don't die. Have fun."

Ginji turned on the villagers, all of whom screamed and began running from the snake. Anko walked over and knelt in front of the child.

Naruto's eyes widened as the snake chased away the villagers and the teenaged kunoichi came over and knelt in front of him.

"What's your name kid?"

The girl's voice carried a gentle note hidden in it that hadn't been there before.

"N...Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto."

The girl nodded.

"Ok. Where are your parents?"

Naruto swallowed and shook his head.

"I don't know. I grew up in the orphanage over near the hospital."

'An orphan? Maybe we aren't so different Brat...'

Anko smiled.

"I'm Anko. I'll tell ya what. Let's go see Hokage-sama. Get you cleaned up a bit."

The boy seemed to brighten at the mention of the Hokage.

'Figures that kind old geezer would be this kid's friend.

Anko picked Naruto up on her shoulders and began walking towards the Hokage's Tower.

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi sighed as Neko AKA Yugao Uzuki knelt before him. Apparently a twenty foot long viper was wreaking havoc in the village. It wasn't killing anyone, though it was repeatedly swallowing and vomiting up several of them.

'Who offended Anko badly enough that she pulled out a summons?'

"Go find Anko and bring her here Neko."

Neko stood and saluted.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Just as Yugao was about to shunshin away the kunoichi in question entered the room with a familiar blonde on her shoulders. Naruto's legs were slightly bloody, and his elbows were skinned.

"Good evening, Hokage-sama." Anko nodded. Neko backed up into the corner to watch the proceedings.

"Hello, Anko-chan. Care to tell me what you're doing with Naruto-kun there?"

Anko grinned.

"Me and the brat here met a few minutes ago. He introduced me to some nice people. In fact, they were so nice that I let them meet and play with one of my summons!" Anko grinned, obviously feeling very proud of herself. Inu, who was in the wall, and Neko both had to stifle laughs and the Sarutobi simply shook his head.

'So that explains the snake.'

"Is that true Naruto-kun?"

Naruto nodded.

"Anko-nee found me in an alley. She was a little scary at first, but when those asshole villagers found me and said she should kill me, she scared them off. Shoulda seen'em they pissed themselves when that snake appeared."

'Oh no…Anko-nee? This isn't going to turn out well for anyone...' Inu and Neko sweatdropped as Hiruzen smiled, amused.

"You shouldn't use language like that Naruto-kun. Would you mind dispelling the snake Anko?"

With a single hand sign and a puff of smoke in the village, it was done.

"Done. So...what're we doin' with the brat here?"

Sarutobi frowned.

"I assume he'll have to go back to the orphanage."

'...I really don't like that idea for some reason...' Anko bit her lip. The Hokage turned to Neko and began making arrangements to get Naruto back to his home.

"Hokage-sama?"

Sarutobi stopped and looked at Anko.

"Um...I have an extra room. Just sayin'..."

Hiruzen looked confused for a moment before his eyes widened.

"Would you do it Anko?"

The purple-haired teen nodded and grinned.

"Us pariahs gotta stick together ya know? Is there any paperwork that needs to get done?"

The Hokage winced at the comment about Naruto and Anko being pariahs before nodding and reached into his desk.

"I imagine we should ask Naruto though."

Naruto perked up.

"Ask me what?"

Sarutobi smiled.

"How would you like to live with Anko?"

Naruto looked down at his new friend and the girl nodded with a smile on her face.

"So you'd be like my mom?"

Anko shook her head.

"Nah."

Naruto looked disappointed.

"I'd be your older sister. Mom's are old people." Anko mussed the blondes hair.

Naruto smiled at "older sister", and nodded.

"You really mean it?!"

Anko grinned and nodded.

"I don't say things I don't mean Squirt."

Naruto looked at Sarutobi.

"Can I go with her Old Man?! Please?!"

Sarutobi laughed.

"Of course. Here, Anko. Sign these for me please."

Anko put Naruto on the floor , and put her signature on several pieces of paper, followed by Sarutobi signing several things since Naruto was a ward of the village.

"Alright. Naruto, you have a choice. By law, Anko will be your mother. So, you have a can call yourself either Mitarashi Naruto or Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto looked up at Anko, who shrugged.

"Your last name is Mitarashi?"

Anko grinned.

"Yup. I never knew my parents either, so I chose my favorite kind of dango as my last name. Pretty cool, huh?"

Naruto laughed.

"Mitarashi Naruto?"

Anko grinned once again.

"It's got a ring to it, Squirt."

* * *

Naruto lay in the bed covered by blankets, warm for the first time in...forever really…

His new older sister had her arms around his waist and was pulling him in close since they were sharing a single bed, until Anko got a second one.

After signing the paperwork so that Naruto could legally live with Anko they had come straight home and Anko had shown Naruto the apartment that would be his home for the next few years. The room Naruto would be staying in was currently Anko's armory, so Naruto was sleeping in Anko's bedroom for the time being.

Naruto turned his eyes up towards where his new protector was sleeping, and breathing rhythmically.

'Thank you Anko-nee...'

Naruto closed his eyes and finally fell asleep as the clock struck one

* * *

**THERE'S A WITCH AROUND! TURN OFF YOUR FLASHLIGHTS!**

**...damn wrong AGAIN!**

**Where am I...OH YEAH! NARUTO!**

**Soooo?! How was that?**

**Do you want to send me to Guantanamo Bay for writing it or do I get a Pulitzer?! Or...you know...was it just...meh?**


	2. How do you big sister?

**HERE'S THE NEXT ONE!**

* * *

Anko sat up and yawned as sunlight came in through the window. Her lavender wallpaper reflected the light into her eyes, and Anko cursed aloud. Then she crawled over Naruto and got out of bed before tripping and faceplanting into her wood floors. The white night shirt and black sweats she was wearing were wet with sweat. As the kunoichi checked to make sure her nose wasn't broken she mumbled.

"It's gonna be that kinda day, huh?"

The purple haired teen opened her cabinets and frowned.

'_Ok...dango and sake...not the most ideal breakfast for a four year old...ok...um...'_

Anko opened another cabinet and grinned as she pulled out a box of cereal. A carton of milk from her fridge and the girl was satisfied.

"There's breakfast! I'm not so bad at this older sibling shit." Anko was proud of herself clearly. In response to her yelling Naruto shuffled out of the bedroom wiping sleep from his eyes.

"Morning Anko-nee."

The purplette smiled.

"Morning. I made breakfast for you Squirt."

Naruto stared at the milk, cereal, and bowl dumbly.

"Breakfast?"

Anko nodded.

"You know how cold cereal works right?"

Naruto pouted.

"Duh. I'm an orphan not an idiot."

Anko laughed and smirked.

'_He's got spunk underneath all that fear.'_

Naruto cobbled together his breakfast, leaving the milk and cereal out for Anko. The kunoichi put her own breakfast together before sitting down on her couch with Naruto.

"Ok Squirt. Today we're gonna go out for a little bit. When you're done eating go wash yourself off. You smell worse than Old Man Hokage's breath." Anko pointed to the bathroom and Naruto giggled before digging into his cereal. Anko smiled, but was a bit saddened with the look of surprise on his face.

'_God it's like looking at myself...'_ Anko began to zone out as she looked at one of her hands. A fading scar was on the palm of her right hand. Most everyone assumed it was a battle wound, but that actual story was different.

_FLASHBACK_

_Twelve Years Ago_

_Anko reached into the trash can and rummaged around for something solid. The cook that usually left food out for her had gotten canned, so there was no more food from him. Anko had had to resort to the trash. _

'Man...this is gross...' _Anko grimaced as she tried to breath through her mouth. It was around five minutes before her hand hit what felt like styrofoam. She pulled out a small box and smiled slightly as she opened it. A few leftover french fries and pieces of beef were in the bottom of the box. The orphan hungrily grabbed onto the scraps and licked her fingers clean when she was done swallowing them whole. Anko shoved her hand into the trash can again. She stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth and squinted in concentration. _

_Anko cried out as something sharp came into contact with her hand. The girl jerked her hand back and felt the object tear her hand open even more. Tears sprang into Anko's eyes as she cradled her hand. A long ragged tear of a cut lay crosswise in her palm. A sob escaped the young girl's throat and she started wailing as blood ran down her arm and dripped off of her elbow. _

"_Shut up you stupid brat!"_

"_Go cry somewhere else, I'm eating here!"_

"_You're too loud!"_

_Anko ignored the yells from the restaurant across the street and continued voicing her pain. The girl held her arm and started walking down the street, leaving a trail of blood behind her. Blood began soaking into her ragged shirt. As Anko began to feel lightheaded she felt a hand on her shoulder steady her. _

"_Are you ok Little One?" Anko turned and found a very pale man standing next to a woman with a large chest and a man with long white hair. The white haired man had his hand on her shoulder. The little girl controlled her breathing for a moment and spoke._

"_M-my h-hand huuuurts!" Anko then continued to wail. The blonde woman smiled and got down on one knee before putting her hand on Anko's. The hand began to glow a pale green and the pain in Anko's hand began to subside. The girl sobbed a couple more times before it was just her bottom lip quivering and tears in her eyes._

"_What happened? Where's your mom?"_

_Anko shook her head._

"_I don't know."_

_The pale man came forward and frowned before smiling again._

"_I'm Orochimaru. Can you say that?" _

_Anko sniffled before nodding._

"_Ero...chi...maru…" _

_The white haired man and Tsunade snickered. Orochimaru glared at them before smiling at Anko…_

"_It's _Oro _not Ero Anko-chan. Come with me. I want you to meet a friend of mine." The three Sannin took the young girl towards the Hokage's Tower where she would become the apprentice of the Snake Sannin._

* * *

"Nee-san...Nee-san?" Naruto's voice brought Anko back to the present and the older girl smiled at him.

"What's up Squirt?"

Naruto held out his cereal bowl.

"Can I have some more?"

Anko put a hand up.

"You can't eat too much, ok? It'll make you sick. If you're still hungry drink some water. I have a jug of it in the bottom of the fridge. You go get a towel out of the bedroom closet, and I'll get you some, alright?"

Naruto smiled, nodded, and took off at a run.

"Hey, be careful! Don't run!" Anko yelled after him. She heard the boy slow down and sighed when she noticed that he'd left his bowl on the floor. Anko picked it up and walked to put it in the sink before turning and pulling a cup out from her cabinet. She filled it with ice and water from the fridge before setting it on the counter.

Naruto came out of the bedroom with a towel.

"Your water's on the counter. Drink up, so we can go get you a bath. The quicker we get cleaned up, the quicker you make a new friend."

Naruto's face lit up and he swallowed the entire glass of water before turning and going to the bathroom. Anko suddenly got a very uncomfortable thought and followed after him. The interrogator knocked on the door.

"Hey, Squirt! You...uh...you can bathe yourself right?"

A reply came back a moment later when the water turned on.

"Yes! The ladies at the orphanage let me do it alone every month!"

Anko frowned before swallowing.

"Uh...would you mind me sitting in there? I would uh...um…feel more comfortable if I knew you weren't drowning." Anko rubbed the back of her head. The door opened and Anko shut her eyes before walking in. She sat on the toilet and looked away from Naruto.

"So...um…"

"I can do it Anko-nee…"

Anko laughed nervously.

"It's alright. I want to make sure that you're ok, alright?"

Naruto sat down in his bath water and there was, to Anko, an uncomfortable silence.

"Anko-nee?"

Anko looked at Naruto.

"Huh? What's up Squirt?"

Naruto bit his lip as he washed his hair.

"Are the people we're meeting going to be mean to me?"

Anko laughed and shook her head.

"Nope! These two are really nice, and I think you and someone there will be really good friends."

Naruto washed dirt off of his arm before smiling.

"Are you sure?"

Anko frowned.

"Naruto. I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you, ever again, ok?"

Naruto's bottom lip quivered slightly before he nodded and washed soap off his arms.

Anko turned around again as he got out of the bath tub and dried himself off. The teen opened the door.

"Alright. You go to the bedroom, and I'll be right there. I'm gonna wash myself off. I smell almost as bad as you did before."

Naruto giggled before walking out of the bathroom. Anko stripped and turned on the shower. As the water ran over her head all she could do was smile slightly.

'_Maybe I'm not so bad at this after all...'_

* * *

Naruto rode on Anko's shoulders on their way through the village. He was wearing one of Anko's white t-shirts, and it hung to his knees. A pair of ratty shorts were on his legs.

"Ok, Squirt. The people I'm taking you to meet are really nice, but you have to be respectful. Got it?" Anko's tone left no room for arguement.

"Got it." Naruto beamed at Anko and the teen turned her head back straight. The two pariahs walked towards the red light district of Konoha and past the faded signs proclaiming

"_This area is not patrolled by the Konohagakure Military Police!"_

'_Right...because the MPs have the manpower to patrol anything other than the Market District.'_ Anko scoffed as Naruto looked at the signs in confusion. The teen kept walking, blowing off several drunks who tried to hit on her, before long Anko was in front of a rundown building. A wooden kunai hanging over the door from a rusted metal flag post. Engraved on the kunai was

"_Okami Weapons and Ninja Gear"_

Anko pushed open the door and a bell rang as she walked in. Naruto looked around and took in his surroundings. The wooden floors were faded and the wallpaper was peeling in places. Several clothing racks had heavy coats and such hanging from them. A wall labelled "General Use" was covered in wires, ropes, and manuals. There was a counter with a cash register on it, and a door labelled Employees Only. Another door labelled "Ask Employee for Assistance" had a lock on it and Naruto tilted his head as he got curious as to what was inside.

"Hey Snake Bitch! What have I told you about entering my store!" A raspy voice demanded as an older man with one leg came out of the back room. His left leg was a peg leg below the knee. Anko growled and Naruto began to get a little bit scared. But when his sister spoke next he began to feel safer.

'_Nee-san will protect me from this guy!'_

"I can come in this place anytime I want you one legged old crab!"

"You bitch!"

Anko and the old man kept growling before the old man suddenly smiled goofily.

"You haven't come by in a long time Anko! Where have you been?"

Anko smiled back, confusing Naruto.

"I've been really busy. The civil war in Kiri is really starting to pick up and that means Konoha is taking a lot more clients. Doesn't bother me though, more cash for me."

Naruto was confused and Anko noticed when she smiled up at him.

"Hey Squirt, this is Takai, he's a good friend of mine. You don't have to worry, he doesn't have a problem with you."

"He better not or I'm gonna pound him...father or not…" a new voice entered the conversation, nearly as gruff as the first. When Naruto turned his head he saw a rather attractive black haired woman in her twenties with green eyes standing in the doorway of the shop. She wore a black skirt, black shirt, and a ragged Konoha chunin vest. A Konoha headband was tied around her thigh and her hair was short. A scar marred her lip. Anko raised a hand in greeting.

"Yo Motoko."

The woman smiled at Anko and nodded.

"Hi Anko."

Motoko looked up to see Naruto on Anko's shoulders.

"Well you must be Naruto. The towns buzzing that the pariahs have gotten together."

Anko grinned but Naruto looked uncomfortable. His older sister squeezed his ankle and he looked down. Seeing her smile encouragingly, he waved.

"Hi. I'm Naruto."

Anko slapped his leg.

"Use your last name to."

"I'm Mitarashi Naruto."

Takai and Motoko looked shocked.

"You adopted him Anko?"

Anko shrugged.

"Why not? Anyway. Squirt, this is Takai Okami and his daughter Motoko. They're my closest friends."

Motoko smiled at the blonde.

"You know I got a sister around your age."

Anko nodded.

"That's actually why I came by. I was hoping I could introduce the squirt to Panda."

Takai gaped and looked at Motoko.

"Anko had a good idea for once! Must come with the new responsibility."

Ignoring Anko's string of curses with his name mixed in Takai turned and walked into the backroom.

Moments later a bun haired girl in a purple shirt and red shorts ran out. She was barefoot and had a wooden kunai in her hand. She pointed it at Anko or, more specifically the boy on her shoulders.

"You! Out, out, out!"

Naruto winced but Motoko and Anko seemed amused.

"No boys allowed in _my_ shop!"

Naruto's face switched to bewilderment.

"Why not? Besides it's not your shop…"

The girl glared.

"It will be! I'm gonna be like my big sister and be a kunoichi! But I'm gonna be like my dad and make weapons to! Now out boy! No boys allowed!"

Anko put Naruto on the ground and the blonde scampered over to the bun haired girl.

"Hey! If we're going to be friends you have to be more friendly!"

"I don't want to be friends! I want you out!"

"I don't want to leave!"

"I'll make you leave then!"

The girl threw her wooden kunai but it went off course and nailed Anko in the kneecap.

"Hey! No one hurts my nee-san!" Naruto picked up the kunai and threw it back at the girl. It hit her in the stomach.

"No one throws things at Tenten Okami!" The girl yelled as she jumped on Naruto and the two children began rolling on the ground. Meanwhile, Anko and Motoko were busy trying to catch their breath from the amount of laughter coming out of their mouths. Takai was behind the counter pouting about something.

The dust finally cleared from around the two children and Tenten was sitting on Naruto's stomach, preventing him from standing. Surprisingly, she was smiling.

"You're actually ok kid. I'm Tenten."

Naruto groaned.

"I'm Naruto."

"Come on! We're gonna go play ninja!" Tenten dragged Naruto through the door marked Employees Only and slammed it shut behind her. Anko and Motoko were busy trying to control their laughter when they noticed Takai was still pouting behind the counter.

"What's wrong with you Peggy?" Anko frowned and used her nickname referring to his amputated leg.

"She's only four years old and she already has a boyfriend…"

Motoko and Anko laughed at the father's misery. For a while they just talked. Anko explained how she had come to be Naruto's guardian, Takai continued groaning about Tenten having a male friend, and Motoko complimented Anko on taking in Naruto. A shout came from outside.

"Hey you stupid brats!"

Anko peaked outside the door and a member of the local Yakuza was yelling at the roof of the weapons shop. The man was soaked in water. Anko walked outside and looked up to see Naruto and Tenten on the roof giggling. An empty bucket was next to their feet and Anko pieced it all together and shook her head in amusement. A couple people were frowning at the children on the rooftop. Not a lot of people were laughing at their prank.

"Oh screw you that's funny!" Naruto shouted at the people with dry senses of humor. Anko laughed at her little brother.

"Good god you two deserve each other…" Motoko said from next to Anko, and the teen smiled at the older chunin.

'_And it only cost me a box of dango.'_

* * *

**SO NARUTO AND ANKO ARE GETTING CLOSER!**

**NEXT CHAPTER SOON GUYS AND GIRLS**

**REMEMBER KIDS! DON'T SPOOK THE HORDE! **

**THIS HAS BEEN JOHN CONNOR...ER...MICRO...ZOMBIE...**


	3. ANBU and Ramen

**RIGHT THEN! LAST ONE FOR THE NIGHT LADS AND LASSIES!**

**ENJOY IT!**

Naruto was back on Anko's shoulders as they walked back to Anko's apartment.

"Anko-nee?"

"Hm?" Anko looked up at her younger brother as several villagers scoffed at the honorific.

"Can I be a ninja?"

Anko frowned and blinked.

"Sure you can Squirt. Why?"

Naruto averted his eyes.

"Tenten-chan wants to be a ninja, and she's nice. You're a ninja and you're nice. Motoko-nee and Neko-nee are ninjas and they're nice. I want to be a ninja like you guys! I want to help people!" Naruto grinned, and Anko almost winced at his reasoning before sighing.

'_Well...he's a jinchuuriki, so it's only a matter of time. I'd rather it be me to train him rather than some jackass who will sabotage him.'_

Anko held onto Naruto tight and used a shunshin to get to her apartment before sitting Naruto down on their bed. Anko got to his eye level.

"Squirt, I want you to understand something. Ninja aren't nice to everyone."

Naruto looked confused. Anko bit her lip and wondered how to continue.

"I'm _really_ mean to people sometimes."

Naruto looked surprised.

"You're really nice! You aren't mean!"

Anko sighed and scratched the back of her head.

"Squirt...do you know what dying is?"

Naruto suddenly paled and got a faraway look in his eyes.

"Yes…"

Anko noted his tone and the look on his face and decided to talk to him about that later.

"Well...ninjas make people die…ninjas kill people…"

Naruto frowned.

"I know…but you do it to protect people!"

Anko rubbed the back of her head before smiling softly.

"Alright Squirt...we'll talk to the Hokage tomorrow, ok?"

Naruto grinned and nodded. Anko mussed his hair and grinned herself.

"Now you relax some Squirt while I make lunch. Motoko is gonna find some spare stuff from the store's stock for you to wear, and bring it over later."

Anko walked out and Naruto sat on his bed, kicking his legs back and forth, as he began imagining himself saving princesses, and liberating entire countries from tyranny. If only Naruto knew...

* * *

Anko watched Naruto run around the track for the fifth time. He was starting to huff and puff, so Anko picked up a water bottle to toss him his next time around. The black shorts and white t-shirt were soaked with sweat, and the five year old's face was starting to turn red.

'_On second thought...'_ Anko sweatdropped as she stood.

"Alright, Squirt! Finish out this lap, and we can take a break!" The snake user shouted through cupped hands. Seeing the end in sight, Naruto sped up and sprinted to the finish. He crossed the white lines and immediately dropped to his hands and knees. He was trying to catch his breath when Anko picked him up by the back of his shirt and scowled at him.

"Don't do that."

Naruto was confused and shrank back from his older sister.

"Do what?"

Anko pointed to his knees.

"Don't get on your hands and knees. _Never_ do that. Alright?!" the snake-user snapped tersely.

Anko turned and walked towards the exit of the park. She took a left, and headed the two blocks to Ichiraku Ramen. She pulled back the curtain and smiled at the eleven year old girl standing on a crate to reach the counter. Ayame Ichiraku turned and yelled into the back room.

"Dad! Anko's here!"

A tall middle-aged man walked into the stall with a large smile on his face.

"Hi Anko!"

Anko gave a small wave.

"Hey."

Ayame stood up on the crate again.

"Hey! Someone said that you have a little brother now! Is that true?!"

Anko grinned and nodded.

"Yup! Hey Squirt!"

Anko expected Naruto to jump onto the stool next to her, but there was no response from her brother.

"Squirt?"

Anko got off her stool, walked outside, and whirled her head around in both directions.

"Squirt this isn't funny!" Anko shouted hoping for the blonde to appear.

Anko heard a sliding door slam shut, and turned to see Teuchi taking off his apron. Ayame was locking the closed door to Ichiraku Ramen.

"I'll take the Market District. You take the Patrician's District."

Teuchi blinked and the teen was gone.

'_Shinobi really freak me out sometimes...'_

* * *

As dusk fell Anko stood on top of a water tower looking for a head of blonde hair. Nothing. After she'd finished searching the Patrician's District she searched the Red Light District. She'd enlisted Motoko into the search and the chunin had gone to search the Training Grounds.

'_Son of a bitch!' _Anko growled as she punched a wall.

"Did you lose something, Anko?"

The snake user whirled to see a cat masked ANBU standing a few feet away from her. With Naruto standing behind her.

"Squirt!" Anko shouted in relief with a grin on her face. The blonde stayed quiet.

"You scared the crap out of me...us! Motoko is tearing apart the training grounds looking for you!"

Anko took a step towards Naruto, but the blonde took a step backwards.

"Squirt?" Anko frowned in confusion. She took another step forward and demon container took another step backwards.

"Squirt, what's wrong?" Anko was about to take another step towards him when a figure shimmered into existence in front of her and pushed her backwards.

"Why'd you yell at him?" Neko growled. Anko was confused.

"I didn't…"

"Yes you did…" Naruto's voice was quiet.

"Squirt?"

"You got mad when I fell over, and you yelled at me…"

'_Oh shit! I did didn't I?!'_

Anko's features softened.

"Squirt...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I just…," Anko bit her lip ", when you fell I thought you were just sitting on your hands and knees. The assholes would love to see that, and I didn't want you to ever have to suffer from them again, ok? I'm so sorry if I scared you Naruto-kun."

Naruto didn't answer. Anko's head hung and her hair covered her eyes. The young kunoichi turned and began walking away.

'_I guess it was too much to hope that I wouldn't be alone anymore. Whatever. Fuck it! I'm Mitarashi Anko bitches and don't you forget it! I don't need a little brother bringing me down anyway! What the fuck is that?'_

Anko felt something slam into the back of her legs, and when she turned around a head of blonde hair was against her.

"It's ok, Anko-nee! I forgive you!"

'_I don't need a little brother, but I'll be damned if I don't _want _one!'_

Anko reached down and picked up her younger brother and put him on her shoulders.

"Awesome! Now come on! I got more people you need to meet! And you're gonna love what you're eating for dinner tonight Squirt!"

Neko stood on the rooftop alone and waited around thirty seconds before speaking out loud.

"Alright, he's gone."

Another Anko walked out from the shadows. This one's face was neutral instead of the grin that the recently departed Anko sported.

"You know better Mitarashi."

Anko glared at Neko.

"Fuck you! I'm doing the best I can!"

Neko raised an eyebrow behind her mask.

"Are you?"

Anko glared at Neko again.

"As best I know how. I don't exactly have a mother and father to base this off of!"

Neko crossed her arms.

"And, yet, you took it upon yourself to raise a child."

Anko snarled.

"Don't talk down to me Uzuki! I know I'm inexperienced as fuck in this shit! Why the hell was it me that took in the poor kid! There are a thousands of people who can do a way better job! You! Kakashi! Old Man Hokage! Hell, even Bitch-Pants Mc-Uptight could have done better. I'll admit that red-eyed hypocrite would turn him into an asshole, but at least he'd have a parent! Instead the poor kid is stuck with the snake summoning, batshit insane, traitor's apprentice. But I was the _only_ one who signed up! So don't you _dare_ lecture me, Uzuki!" Anko raged and began breathing hard as she finished her speech.

Neko was quiet, and waited for Anko to calm down.

"Ok. You'll do."

Anko's face went from angry to bewildered in an instant.

"Huh?"

Neko nodded.

"I said 'you'll do'. I trust you with him."

Neko removed her mask and Uzuki Yugao smiled softly at Anko.

"Just remember he called me his nee-san first."

Anko glared slightly before sighing.

"Whatever. At least he knows my name."

Yugao raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"He _does_ know my name."

Anko growled.

"Codenames don't count."

Yugao shrugged.

"I don't see why not. He called me Neko_-nee_ didn't he?"

Anko shook her head.

"I'm not arguing this with you. He's got my last name, so I automatically have dibs on the big sister suffix."

Before the ANBU could retort the Anko clone disappeared.

* * *

When Anko got the **Shadow Clone**'s memories she smirked. Yugao had always been on the fringe in Anko's opinion. Never committing to anything besides her work in ANBU. Anko looked down at the blonde who was currently going through his fourth bowl of ramen and quirked an eyebrow.

'_Maybe I was wrong...'_

It appeared that the ANBU really cared for Anko's little brother, and that he trusted her since he went and found her.

'_Speaking of...how did he find a single ANBU in all of Konoha?'_ Anko looked at the wall and just stared at it for a little bit.

"Anko-nee!"

Anko turned back and saw Naruto scowling at Ayame.

"What's up Squirt?"

Naruto pointed at Ayame.

"Ayame doesn't believe that I'm gonna be a ninja!"

Ayame smirked and poked his forehead.

"You can't be a ninja, you're too little!"

Naruto scowled again.

"How would you know?!"

Ayame poked his head again before putting her thumb to her chest.

"Because I'm going to the Academy!"

Anko began laughing out loud.

"What's so funny?!"

"Yeah Anko-nee!"

Anko shook her head.

"Nothin'. Ayame, I'm teaching Naruto some things to get him ready for the Academy."

Ayame suddenly looked sheepish.

"Oh...hehe, hehe...sorry Naruto-kun…forgive me?"

Naruto picked up his bowl.

"More ramen and I'll think about it!"

Ayame laughed before nodding and turning around to ask her father for another bowl of miso ramen.

"Come on Naruto-kun, I'll show you all the different types of ramen there are!" Ayame gestured for Naruto to follow her into the back of the stand. Naruto looked at Anko who gestured for him to go. The teenager and the adult up front were quiet and the only sound was of boiling water.

Teuchi was busy chopping ingredients when he spoke to Anko.

"How did you get Hokage-sama to let you train him?"

Anko shrugged.

"Well we both know he would have been a ninja either way Teuchi. He didn't really have a choice in the matter at all. Hokage-sama probably just wants to get a jump on it."

Teuchi nodded as he pushed some pork onto a small grill.

"Well, Ayame seems to have taken a shine to him at the very least."

Anko snorted.

"Yeah. So did Takai's daughters. Both of them."

It was Teuchi's turn to snort.

"He still a grouch?"

Anko made a noncommittal gesture as Teuchi turned around.

"Kind of. Only sometimes."

Teuchi shook his head and poured the miso soup in with the noodles before pushing in the rest of the ingredients.

"Ayame! Naruto's order is ready!"

"Alright Dad!"

Both children came out of the backroom and, as Naruto tore into his ramen, Ayame stood on top of a crate to reach the counter. The girl thrust her finger into Naruto's face.

"You watch Naruto-kun! I'm going to be the best kunoichi ever!"

Anko raised an eyebrow and took on a sly grin.

"Oh really? So you're going to be my challenger, huh kid?"

Ayame suddenly felt a shiver run up her spine.

"Eh heh...no that's ok Anko-san…I'll settle for second place…" Ayame rubbed the back of her head.

Anko laughed.

"Smart girl. Come on, Squirt finish off that ramen, we gotta get home. Training starts early tomorrow."

"Ok Anko-nee! I'm done!"

Anko turned to Naruto in surprise and found his bowl stacked neatly next to the others.

"Well alright then. Let's go get goin'. Thank Teuchi."

"Thank you Teuchi-jiji!"

Teuchi smiled and nodded.

"Come back anytime."

"Bye Ayame-chan!"

Ayame waved to Naruto and stepped off the box.

As Anko and Naruto turned the corner towards their apartment and walked out of sight, Teuchi turned to Ayame.

"At least wait until you're both ninjas before you kiss him?"

Ayame turned bright red.

"Eww! Daddy! That's _gross!_"

Teuchi laughed at loud and turned back to the grill he was cleaning off.

* * *

**Why is it that all old men in Konoha are perverts? Perversion is a bad thing and can cause both stress and nasal blood loss to both the victim and pervert.**

***CHILDREN IN AUDIENCE* AND NOW WE KNOW!**

**And knowing is half the battle!**

***American flag rises behind Microzombie***

**...DAMMIT! WRONG SHOW AGAIN! I BLAME FADS! THEY CHANGE SO OFTEN!...btw I don't own GI Joe...or anything associated with it.**

* * *

**Alright my steadily deteriorating mental state aside this is the last one for the night and likely the week. Expect the next updates next week or the week after.**

**So how did I do? What did you like, what didn't you like?**

**Don't worry there's still going to be some goofiness, and there's still going to be that moment that you all loved *cough*Chapter Seven*Cough***

**I appreciate that you took the time to read my work, and I wish you all a good day.**

**DON'T SPOOK THE HORDE**

**MICROZOMBIE**

* * *

**P.S. I GOT IT RIGHT!**


	4. Post Traumatic, what now?

**HAIL HUMANS! I'VE BEEN SENT BY THE GREAT KLINGON EMPIRE TO CLAIM THIS WORLD FOR...uh...hold on checking wikipedia...TO CLAIM THIS WORLD FOR QO'NOS! READ THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT OR SUFFER KLINGON...um...KLINGONIAN...no...KLINGONESE...hey does anyone out there actually watch Star Trek (- I don't own that.)? All I really know about it is that there's a yellow guy named Data and Captain Picard is the most awesome Bald Guy ever. **

**Anyway yeah. Here's the next chapter of Mitarashi Naruto.**

* * *

**The "Naruto" franchise is**** owned by Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

Anko kicked her legs back and forth under the branch as she watched Naruto do another pull up at the bottom of the tree.

"Come on Squirt! Just three more!"

Naruto growled at Anko making the girl smirk.

'_We really gotta get through the innocence and fear and get to the spunk beneath all of that...'_ Anko thought as Naruto let go of the branch he was using for pull ups.

"Nice Squirt. Five more than yesterday." Anko mussed Naruto's hair before turning and motioning for him to follow her. The duo walked off into the forest towards Konoha.

It had been several weeks since Anko began training Naruto. The village's resident pariahs had spent most of their time out in the forests surrounding Konoha, where no one would disturb them. Only the Hokage was informed of where they were at any given time, and that was only so his ANBU could find Anko if she was needed.

Said teen was watching her younger brother make his attempts at tree running. He was only using pure agility, not chakra, so he didn't get far between branches. Then he had to steady himself on the tree trunks before jumping again. In fact it was such slow going that Anko was able to walk at a leisurely pace and keep up with him. Anko smiled as he stumbled, but recovered nicely and kept jumping between branches.

"Hey Squirt! Hurry it up a bit! I wanna be home before dark!"

"Got it Anko-nee!"

Naruto began jumping to and fro without steadying himself on the trunks of the trees. Anko began jogging to keep up.

_-crack-_

Naruto cried out and shut his eyes as he fell towards the hard unforgiving ground eight feet below himself. Instead of the dirt he hit something that bent slightly before again moving forward at a walking pace. Naruto took his face out of the crook of Anko's neck and looked at the back of his sister's head.

"Thanks nee-chan…" the blonde mumbled with a small pout.

Anko looked over her shoulder with a small grin and winked before turning back around.

Naruto smiled warmly before yawning and closing his eyes. His sister thumped him on the forehead.

"Don't even think about it. You go to sleep now, and you'll mess up your schedule." Anko didn't even turn around. Naruto pouted again as they reached a clearing. In the clearing, two ANBU were waiting.

Anko raised an eyebrow.

"What's up Inu? Neko?"

Inu spoke.

"Anko, Hokage-sama requires your presence."

Anko let Naruto slip off of her back.

"Mind taking Squirt here home for me Inu?"

Inu shook his head.

Neko stepped forward and put a hand on Anko's shoulder.

"I'll take you to Hokage-sama, Anko."

The teen nodded and looked to Naruto.

"Make sure to cause as much trouble as possible for Inu, alright?" Naruto laughed in return and Anko mussed his hair before disappearing in a shunshin with Neko.

"Let's get you home Naruto."

Naruto smiled brightly.

"Come on Inu-san!" The blonde ran ahead of the silver haired man and the ANBU captain smiled behind his mask.

'_You see what Anko has done for your son, sensei?'_

Inu jogged after Naruto and put the boy on his back before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

"But Bakashi-" Naruto whined at the ANBU standing above him in the kitchen. Kakashi was holding his hand over his head with a cup of ramen in it.

"Nope. Anko says no ramen for you. That means no ramen, Naruto. And it's Kakashi." The masked ANBU frowned behind his cloth mask.

"Nuh uh! Nee-san says you're Bakashi! And since you wear two more masks under your ANBU mask, I think she's right!"

"...actually I wear three more masks." Kakashi eye-smiled in pride.

Naruto gave the masked-nin a bored look and then smiled deviously.

"I'll...uh...I'll tell Nee-chan you went in her underwear drawer if you don't give me ramen…"

Kakashi's visible eye twitched. The little brat had him in a corner.

'_Die of castration by spork for seeing her panties or get the crap kicked out of me for messing up her brother's diet...'_

Kakashi sighed and dropped the cup of instant ramen into Naruto's hands. The little blonde stuck his tongue out at Kakashi and then ran over to the sink for water.

'_Anko is rubbing off on him, entirely too much…'_ Kakashi thought as he removed an orange book from behind one of Anko's shelves, and sitting down on the couch to read. Naruto padded into the room and let himself fall in a chair while he ramen was warming up.

"Hey, Bakashi…"

"Hm?" Kakashi didn't look up from his book.

"How come nee-san always asks you instead of Neko-nee to bring me home?"

Kakashi thought for a moment.

"Well, I'm a stronger ninja than Neko. At least in Anko's opinion. I guess she thinks you're better protected if you go with me."

When Naruto didn't respond, Kakashi looked up. Naruto had been spunky lately as a result of hanging out with Anko, but the Naruto Kakashi was looking at seemed more fragile.

"You would protect me?" Naruto sounded rather timid. Kakashi put away his book and then walked over to Naruto's chair. He got down to one knee and looked Naruto in the eyes.

"Naruto, have I ever told you what my favorite saying is?"

Naruto shook his head. Kakashi eye-smiled.

"In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash-"

The blonde actually scowled.

"Well, I'm not a ninja so what does that-"

Kakashi interrupted the blonde.

"You didn't let me finish. In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, that's true, _but_ those who abandon their friends, are worse than trash. So yes, Naruto. I would protect you with my life." the Copy Ninja eye-smiled at the younger boy.

Naruto's lip quivered for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck.

"Thanks Kakashi-nii."

The copy ninja smiled again patted him on the back before standing and walking back over to his chair and pulling out his book. Naruto jumped out of his chair and walked over to his ramen.

"Hey, Bakashi help me with this ramen!"

And right back to the insults.

'_I guess it wouldn't be right without them.' _Kakashi sighed before laughing slightly and getting up.

* * *

Anko bit her lip slightly as she listened to the Hokage speak.

"Anko, I know your feelings on this, but it's rather necessary."

"But Hokage-sama-!"

Sarutobi cut her short.

"Chunin Mitarashi, I allowed you to take Naruto Uzumaki in, but it was to be understood that all final decisions according to his future came down to me."

"But starting the Academy this early is bad for kids! Especially ones like him!"

The Hokage looked at Anko stoically.

"If you can name three children with mental health problems that started the Academy before or at Naruto's age, I will allow you to wait."

Anko didn't hesitate.

"Itachi Uchiha, Kakashi Hatake, and myself."

The Hokage frowned. The first one was obvious. The second less so, but the third was completely unexpected. Anko didn't tend to be the person who would admit her faults. The Hokage sighed.

"Very well, Anko. But before you leave I wish to speak on another topic."

Anko frowned and suddenly got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach when the Hokage gestured for the hidden ANBU to leave them.

"What sort of mental problems are you experiencing Anko?"

Anko tried to play it off.

"Oh, you know! The normal stuff! A few nightmares and crap. Nothing to worry about." The girl rubbed the back of her neck. The Hokage gave her a bored look. Orochimaru's apprentice swallowed before speaking.

"Night terrors. Voices. And sometimes I see...um...I see…" Anko trailed and and began rubbing her upper arms. Obviously very uncomfortable. The Hokage leaned forward.

"Anko, it's just you and I."

The girl bit her lip.

"I see her, sometimes…"

The Hokage sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Why didn't you tell me before Anko?"

"I didn't want to lose Naruto…"

The Hokage frowned. Leaving his surrogate grandson with an individual who should've been on anti-psychotics didn't sit well with him.

"They've gotten better!"

The Hokage raised an eyebrow at the chunin.

"It used to be every night. Sometimes I'd sit on the couch with a kunai you know? Just waiting for a hostile to walk in the door."

'_You're not helping your case Anko...'_

"But...ever since Naruto's come around...well...I haven't had a night terror in a week, Hokage-sama…"

The Hokage frowned.

"What of the schizophrenia?"

Hearing the blatant name of her sickness Anko winced.

"Well...I only hear them whenever the Cursed Seal acts up...and...well...Ibiki, Kakashi, and Yugao have all agreed to take Naruto when that happens. I can always feel it coming days in advance, sir."

The Hokage sighed.

"You didn't tell me about the Cursed Seal acting up either, Anko-chan."

Anko shrugged.

"Jiraiya-sama told me that there was nothing he could do. I'm not going to complain about it if there's nothing to be done, sir."

The Hokage frowned.

"Let me see it Anko."

The teen hesitated.

"_Now_ Chunin Mitarashi." The Hokage used an authoritative voice.

The soldier in Anko's mind took control and she automatically pulled down her armor to make her Cursed Seal visible.

"Anko, where the Evil Sealing Method?"

"The what?" Anko was bewildered.

The Hokage scowled. He would have to have a talk with Jiraiya. This was a danger not only to Anko's mind, but the village itself were she ever to lose her mind as a result of it. In fact? He was going to have to chew his student's ass. Royally.

"The Evil Sealing Method is a seal designed to contain seals such as the Cursed Seal of Heaven. It would inhibit the influence on your psyche as well as limit the strain on your body. Meaning there would be less pain."

Anko turned to the Hokage.

"You mean…"

The Hokage nodded curtly.

"There was no reason for you to have been going through pain these last few months, Anko-chan."

To say Anko was angry was an understatement. To say she was furious was a travesty. To say she was absolutely seething with rage would be just about right.

"The no-good lazy goddamned twatwaffle of a fucking sealing master! I'll ram a damn kunai up his ass sideways! Fucking cock-juggling thundercunt piece of shit! Fuck!" Anko raged at the ceiling. A hand was set on her shoulder. She looked up and blushed. The ninja had forgotten she was in the presence of her supreme commander. She stood and bowed deeply.

"Hokage-sama, I sincerely apologize, I forgot myself…"

"Anko-chan, you need not apologize. Now then, I'm sure Naruto had driven Kakashi-kun out of his mind by now. I suggest you head home and take control of the situation." the Hokage smiled as he lit his pipe. Anko laughed and bowed again.

"Thank you Hokage-sama. And goodbye."

The Hokage smiled again.

"Goodbye Anko-chan."

The chunin disappeared in a puff of smoke. As soon as she was done, the Hokage hit a buzzer on his desk.

"ANBU!"

Tori appeared in front of his desk.

"Get a message to Jiraiya that I wish to see him. _Now!_" The Hokage hissed at the end and the ANBU bowed before disappearing.

* * *

The next day Anko and Naruto were taking shelter in Ichiraku Ramen from the sweltering heat.

"It's hot Anko-nee!"

Anko poked his head.

"I know that squirt. How do you think Ayame feels? She's probably out exercising at the Academy in this crap!"

Teuchi grunted. He wasn't exactly happy that his daughter had decided to become a ninja. He'd seen entirely too many ninja never return to his stand after going out on a mission for him to be happy about it.

"Three miso for the Mitarashi!" Teuchi set three bowls of ramen down with a flourish to hide his mood. Then he turned to Anko.

"Do you have your order ready?"

Hearing someone in the stand choke all three people turned to a young girl with pink eyes and black hair sitting on a stool. The girl turned to Naruto.

"You're gonna eat all of that?"

Naruto nodded.

"By _yourself?!"_

Naruto nodded again, and the girl looked dumbfounded before looking at Anko.

"Is the ramen really that good? I mean...I've had better…"

A blur of yellow caused her to yelp as Naruto's face was suddenly inches from her own. She took on a bored look.

"Uh...would you mind back out of my personal space?"

Naruto scowled.

"_Heretic…"_ the boy hissed through his teeth and he brought up his hands to do something unspeakable to the girl. Then an arm wrapped around his neck.

"Alrighty! Sit down and eat your damn ramen, Squirt." Anko huffed and then turned to the girl.

"Sorry about him, he's a bit freaky about his ramen…"

The girl actually laughed.

"Nah, I couldn't tell…"

Naruto pouted.

"You're the same way about dango, Anko-nee…"

Anko turned around and stuck her tongue out at Naruto.

"You two are kinda weird…" the girl commented in a dry voice. Anko and Naruto both turned back to the girl.

"Well...uh...blow me!" Naruto shouted and he didn't understand why Teuchi dropped an empty pot, Anko busted out laughing, and an ANBU fell out of a nearby tree. The girl looked confused to before looking at Naruto.

"What's that mean?"

Naruto shrugged.

"I don't know...I just heard Bakashi mumble it one time when Anko was making fun of him…"

Anko stopped laughing and a dark aura surrounded her as she cracked her knuckles.

"Squirt...stay here with Teuchi...I'm gonna go take Bakashi's other eye…"

The teenaged kunoichi disappeared and the ANBU that had fallen out of the tree walked over to Ichiraku rubbing her head.

"Hi Neko-nee!" Naruto waved and the ANBU gave a little wave before she sat down on the stool that Anko had vacated.

"What does blow me mean?" The blonde was blunt as always and Neko sighed before she turned to Naruto and leaning down next to his ear. After some inaudible whispers Naruto turned very red and suddenly couldn't look at the girl without blushing.

Neko then turned to the girl and whispered what the insult meant and she grew very red as well.

"Hentai!" The girl punched Naruto in the back of the head, the blonde held the growing lump.

"Ow! I don't even know your name and you're hitting me!"

"My names Kurotsuchi! And don't you forget it, Blondie!"

"Hey! My name is Naruto!"

The girl blew a raspberry at Naruto before turning away and crossed her arms before looking towards the wall. Anko then re-appeared with a satisfied look on her face and looked at Naruto.

"Well let's get goin' Squirt. Tell your little girlfriend here goodbye."

"She's not my girlfriend! Girls are gross!" Naruto hotly protested. Anko raised an eyebrow.

"Oh is that so? So I'm gross Naruto-kun?" Anko pushed her lip out. Naruto panicked and hugged his sister.

"No! You're the best girl ever, Anko-nee!"

Anko laughed and picked Naruto up on her shoulders.

"I thought so. Come on Squirt. Let's get moving...Neko what're you doing here?"

Neko gestured with her head towards the girl who was glaring at Naruto.

"What about her?" Anko raised an eyebrow.

"Tsuchikage's granddaughter. His son stopped off here to deliver some documents, and she was with him."

Anko's eyes widened and looked at the girl again before she shrugged, nodded to Neko, and walked away.

"Bye Neko-nee!"

"See ya Naruto-kun." The ANBU gave a small wave at her surrogate younger brother.

None of the people involved could know how important that small interaction would later be…

* * *

**And so we meet Kurotsuchi! **

**What shall become of Anko's mental disorders? Will the Hokage allow her to keep Naruto? _Will I have pancakes or waffles for breakfast tomorrow?_ Make sure to tune in next to time to the adventures of me. _Herbert Daring Dashwood! _And my stalwart ghoul manservant Argyle...****oops I already used that joke in _Team Pariah_. Ah whatever, it's on the document people and it ain't coming off!**

* * *

**DON'T SPOOK THE HORDE!**

**Microzombie**


End file.
